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Marital Vows Taken Seriously

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By COURTNEY CAIRNS PASTOR, The Tampa Tribune

Published: December 8, 2007

NORTHDALE - The high school students let out a sigh of "aww" as William Zerbe stood up to escort his wife of 40 years to her seat.

And they sighed some more when he told them one of the perks of marriage. "It's fun to go home to somebody," Zerbe said. "To have somebody that you like."

Students in Family Dynamics, an elective at Gaither High School, got a lesson on marriage last week from the experts - four couples who had been through nearly 55 combined years of marriage. They ranged from the veterans, William and Jan Zerbe, to newlyweds Anthony and Ashley Jones, who have been married about 10 months.

Jake and Rebecca Prokop and Kim and Tom Graef, at four and 10 years, respectively, filled in the middle.

The couples talked openly about the romantic and the practical, sharing stories about proposals and friendship as well as talk about finances, fights and communication stumbles. Teacher Becky Burgue had invited them for a panel discussion for the class, which studies the family unit.

The 18-week class starts with investigations into individual personalities and goals and processes into discussions on friendships, dating and marriage. Students learn about the roles and responsibilities in functional families, skills to build good relationships and issues that create stress and conflict.

They prepared for the marriage panel by brainstorming questions for the guests. They wanted to know goals the couples had before they got married and changes they had to make. They wanted to know how they resolved arguments, if it was love at first sight and how children changed the marriage.

One student asked about how the couples managed the same routine every day: "Do you ever wake up one day and you're tired of this person?"

Kim Graef, who is celebrating a decade of marriage, said she felt grateful, not trapped.

"I'm happy I found somebody I'm glad to see every day," Graef said.

Newlywed Ashley Jones said she was nervous about the first year of marriage because she had heard it was the toughest year. But she was finding it fun exploring new territory with her husband, Gaither Assistant Principal Anthony Jones.

"The best part about being married is Anthony and I are friends," Jones said. "It's fun living with your best friend."

It takes some trial and error, said Rebecca Prokop, to figure out how to manage a household as a couple and not as an individual. It's a new experience to determine who has laundry duty, who unloads the dishwasher and who balances the checkbook, she said.

She and her husband also had to learn how to fight. She tends to flare up but will calm down if left alone. It took Jake Prokop some time to discover that he had to let her be and couldn't run in to rescue her.

"I'm upset that she's upset," he said. "Nothing upsets me more than seeing her in distress."

The couples said they had to learn to communicate and compromise. The Graefs said they are both laid-back and don't fight often, but Kim said they also had to recognize they couldn't each get their way all the time.

They talked about how they met and what they had in common and the early days of their relationship.

"I knew it was forever from our first date," Rebecca Prokop said.
Zerbe made sure to ask for his future father-in-law's blessing before he proposed.

"Her dad was a good-sized guy, so I figured I'm going to get approval from him," he said.

The Jones' relationship progressed from dating to engagement to marriage in about a year. Anthony Jones proposed in church - he brought Ashley into the sanctuary and took her to the pulpit.

"I said, 'Meet me here in six months and marry me.' "

The class gave an "aww."

Reporter Courtney Cairns Pastor can be reached at (813) 865-1503 or cpastor@tampatrib.com.

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