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Use Your Instinct As A Shield

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: August 27, 2008

Picture this, ladies. You're a cashier, and it's your night to close the store.

It's about five minutes after closing, and you see a well-dressed man drive up in an expensive car. The attractive man knocks on the door. He tells you it's his young son's birthday and he really needs to buy him the latest video game or his son's birthday will be ruined.

He promises you he will be in and out in three minutes. You know your boss does not like the doors opened after closing time, and a voice tells you to obey the rules, but this nice man is begging. What do you do?

If you're like 85 percent of women, you would ignore that little voice telling you something was wrong and open the door to the man who would later attack you and possibly leave you for dead.

I have interviewed hundreds of rape and domestic violence victims, and they have all said the same thing. "I knew something wasn't right, but I pushed the feeling aside."

Women often second-guess themselves. They brush off a hunch and convince themselves they are acting absurd when what they are feeling is a pre-incident indicator of violence. When your heart beats faster and your hair stands up, these are red flags. Fear is not a feeling you should be ashamed of. Fear won't get you killed, but how you react to it will decide whether you live or die.

Studies in victimology have shown that attackers look for women they consider weaker. They prey on the woman who will put up the least amount of fight. When interviewed, violent criminals overwhelmingly stated that they lie in wait for the one who shows the least amount of confidence in herself. This is the woman who fails to make eye contact. A woman who walks upright with a confident stride tells a would-be attacker that she is aware of her self-worth and is not easily intimidated.

Part of being confident is learning to say "no." Women are taught from a young age to put the feelings of others before their own. Women don't want people to think they are mean or bitchy. They want to be liked, so they say "yes" to being abused and mistreated.

There is never a reason to stay in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. If your boyfriend is getting too possessive, leave him. If the store is closed for the night, don't open the door.

Learn to stop caring about what other people think of you and start learning to listen to yourself. The only person who can truly value you or your life is you.

Charity Arthur is a patrol deputy for the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office in the northwest area of the county. If you have questions for her or suggestions for topics for her crime-prevention column, she can be reached at (813) 247-0330 or carthur

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